Feverish

I've been feeling not-quite-myself the last few days. I think I caught whatever Kate had earlier in the week. Fortunately the worst days have been days I'm already at home so I haven't had to take any time off work--yet!

This morning I woke up at 3am something, feeling warm again. I downed a tylenol and left the bedroom because I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep for awhile. I checked my temperature: 99.8F--not too bad, but still feverish. I opened the patio door and some windows to let the cool night air in (it's been unseasonably warm lately). As I sat there in the dark, suddenly I heard a noise--bam-da-da-bam-bam-BAM! It was just Kate's toy piano's drums going off randomly, like they do sometimes. I hope they didn't bother Tweet (our recent budgie guest). I turned them off, then sat on the couch on my knees, relishing the fresh air from the open window and gazing out into the quiet, dark street. The world always seems so peaceful and quiet at four o'clock in the morning...

Suddenly I noticed a motion light go on at the garage of the house across the street. Nothing unusual, I guessed...just a cat...or maybe it just goes off randomly, kind of like Kate's toy piano...but wait, there was somebody there! A person dressed in black, holding a stick--a tinkling of broken glass--and the light was out again.

Now THIS had my attention, fever or not. I quietly removed the screen from the window and reached behind the couch for my nerf gun. It wasn't much but it would do for distraction processes. THWOCK! THWOCK! THWOCK! The nerf missiles soared across the lawn, the street, and landed near the neighbour's garage. CRASH! I barely had time to duck as a flash of light exploded below and my window collapsed in a curtain of shattering glass. I was being shot at! And those weren't nerf bullets!

I was putting my family in danger--couldn't have that. I grabbed the nearest weapon I could find--a dirty pot on the countertop--and scrambled out the door. Down the exit stairs I raced in my pajamas. The dewey grass felt refreshing on my warm feet. As the outer door closed behind me, I realized I didn't have my keys. I would have to buzz my wife from below later--and I didn't think she would be happy about being woken so early on a Saturday. Oh well, some things just can't be helped!

I was across the street before I knew it, large pot shielding my torso from any close gunfire. My gaze darted this way and that. No one was in sight. I must have scared them away. Relieved, I was heading back to my apartment building when the house porch light turned on, a man stepped onto the porch with a shotgun, and yelled, "Freeze, thief!"

"Thanks," I said. "This fever was getting a bit too warm. But the pot's mine, honest!"